I am alive and smile every day because I cry every night – Crying

I am alive and smile every day because I cry every night – Crying
Crying, people say it is worth only for weak people, those who cannot control or cannot bear a blow of life, yes indeed may be it is true but I also want to see other part of crying or so called courageous people who do not cry.
As you know (I am sure very few knew this, I don’t write fun, fashion or travel thing which majority wants ) my all post is based on reality, it was someone’s experiences or my thought or observation, so this post also belongs this category.
This is story of one of my hostel mate, today I got a mail from him, which reminded me one incident with him, today I want to share. I don’t know but I have something magnetic with me people come to me and share their pain or sorrow, it does not matter how well they know me but vice versa is little less true 
One day I was on top of the hostel and watching stars and thinking where are they (Aliens entity), are we alone and other nonsense, he was there silently, constantly watching something, after some time he came to me, we smile on each other and sat, after some time, I observed his eyes were wet, he asked when you cried last time, I said very long time ago, I asked why? He said I cried nearly every day under my blanket, (I was surprised but did not show him) I asked any specific reason…….
He turned away his face for some time, he watched up into sky and told ………
You know how alone I am (despite he was having good number of friends), you know I cannot share my pain with my parents, I do not have sisters also like others do with whom I can share my feelings (I sensed at that moment he stressed a lot on this, I don’t why), I think why me and always ask to GOD, it’s enough, I do not want to live this life, take my life, I am ready to give everything, then he took deep sigh …….why this much pain.
I was in deep thoughtless state, it was shock for me, he was happy people among us, and always smiling like everything is going smoothly. I cannot imagine this face behind so called happy one.
He told me a lot of things nearly half an hour, then he said please do not share this to any one, I do not know why I shared all this with you but I am feeling better now, I said I cannot remember so many things and also cannot bear so much pain in light way, we had very gentle smile on each other…..
After some moment I asked what gives you power to bear all that, how you cope up all these things? Again deep sigh …. I think if he (GOD) is not ready to take my life it means there should be something. I always assume there should be someone for me, who will understand and I can cry on her/his lap (I am guessing he was taking about someone special but I did not enquire too much), there should be something for me also to excel, to be happy. This gives me power to wake up in the morning again and smile.
I thought it is amazing how small hope can give us hope to fight. We stayed there nearly two more hours’ maximum time silent, occasionally some words. From next day again we went on same routine but whenever we meet we smile on each other. Today when I go back and think I clear conclusion I can draw if someone smiling it doesn’t mean anything at all, you will understand when someone will open heart in front of you……
His last statement was “I am alive and smile everyday because I cry every night”


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